percaya?

Susah ya bikin orang percaya kalo kesalahan kita itu gak sepenuhnya gara2 kita. Kepercayaan itu gampang disebut tp susah digapai. dan kesalahan itu gampang di lakukan susah ditutupi. bingung aja sama orang yang menilai dari kesalahan kesalahan atau dari sisi negatif seseorang. I mean why not spare a time to see the person's kindness? The other side that no one knows? the other side that you never see? because there are another great thing beyond mistake.

bingung juga cara ngebikin orang percaya klo itu bukan kesalahan kita. susah bikin orang percaya klo kita justru ngecoba untuk menghindari yang buruk. kadang waktu juga gak mendukung. But i dont want to blame the time. karena waktu emang akan terjadi dan berlalu no matter what. i've been asking my self, what is happening to me? kenapa semua ini terjadi? why does everything i do turns bad? Kenapa aku? Why am i the one who is chosen for this? 

Questions are questions until it has its answer. dan aku belum menemukan jawaban yang paling tepat. only thr words; "everything happen for a reason" then what is the reason? "that is God's will".

I cant fight God's will. what has happened has happened. And what will happen will happen. I just got to wait and enjoy. Because God's decisions are the best. I know that this will pass. I k ow that this wont last. I know that this would end. Tapi rasa yang aku rasain itu rasanya bikin menderita dan bikin kalau keliatannya ini bakal lama. Dan bakal diingat orang. secara, aku gamau. Aku gamau ngerasain kesalahan yang gak disengaja. A mistake that i have never intented to do it. aku masih muda,aku tau. Bisa dibilang masih kecil. But as time goes by i'm growing up and i'm starting to know whch one's wrong or which one's right. dan aku tau itu salah. that is why i have no intent to do it.

Buat apa aku ngelakuin yang buruk untuk aku juga? Aku ngerti. I get it. I'm starting to realize things. But people are the one who cannot see it. Who doesnt realize it. jadi kalau ditanya mana yang salah? yang mana?

Sometimes i dont really give a damn on what people think. God is the only one who knows the truth. but the feeling i have now is killing me.

if i have an ocean of my own, i am drowning inside it.