is it really necessary?

Heyloo

Gue gasuka deh ketika punya sodara dan dia dengan seenaknya ngobrol with strangers. And in that conversation, dia ngejelasain almost every details of your family. Dari gue sekolahnya dimana, umurnya berapa, anak keberapa, ibunya kerja apa, ibunya lagi dimana, bapaknya kerja apa, and etc.

i mean, why? mau pamer karna your relatives is kinda success? bangga ya bangga aja. No need to show off dude. bisa aja orang yang lagi diceritain is a psychopath or i dont know someone's dangerous. kan serem. The point i just dont like it when people know my details. It creeps me out. Gue jadinya mikir yang engga engga. Takut brayy.

xx

Dear myself,

Somethingn amazing just crossed my mind! It is not exactly what i am feeling or what i've been through, but for me it's just amazing.

Here it goes..

Dear myself,

I can see that you are attracted to him. I can see that you actually liked him. Or even, love him. You cant lie to yourself cause i know the truth. Why? Because i am you, by that i am me, myself. you - I may lie to the others but it would be hard to act normal around him when you are now having a different feeling towards him. I dont know why your - my heart picked him neither. Somehow, it just did and that is actually..amazing, isnt it? 

I mean that is human nature. And that is life. Unexpected things will come. here, i just wanna say becareful. He might not be as good as it seems. He might not has the same feelings like your feelings to him. He might be different or...dangerous. I know that people say that different is good, but what if this one's not? anyway stop. You - I have to think positive. dont be too....naive. Be cool, relax. everything would be alright. I dont want you - me to be hurt anymore. You - i knew how it feels right. So just, becareful but at the same time, enjoy. God has planned the best.

Isnt that just...you when you're in love? Damn i'm amazed of myself when i had that thought. Not to be arrogance, but that's a good one. Anyways, it's kinda late sooo goodnight xx

But hey, it's raining outside.

heyloo

wanting to be admitted by the world is hard, isnt it? i mean you do know that you're just one of the other billion people who are trying hard to fit in. a wallflower? probably. but hey, even a wallflower could surprise people. let's not say the world. your crush? hm that's tough. especially when you're in love with that "kind" of guy. that "kind" of guy means the guy that dont give a shit on everything. including you. but anyways, time will answer. You'll need to try too if you really want it. well because a nothing could happen if you never try. but if it's just something that you'll put a side, then you better focus on what's important. more important.

the world is actually small, you are actually meeting the same people without realizing. and remember, you're just one of the other billions.


dont know what to post but this. Just to make it straight not all of my posts are something that i experienced, my posts are also something that i wanna talk about or that is stuck in my mind. so dont get it wrong, thanks.

xx

all my tears have been used up.

One of the cruelest thing in the world is when people just cannot stop ruining your life. you just cry and cry and cry, thinking this is how your life is going to be forever. losing hopes, lost, empty. And when you cried too much, it's like all your tears have been used up. till it left none to the other. and you're dead. your feelings are dead, your smile is dead, your happiness is dead. some people are actually usual to this. whether it is because they face this every time till it get too much and they just surrender, or they are, usual about this.

You knew there are people who actually cares. who actually wanted to help you. but somehow they just stand there watching like nothing has ever happen. you cant scream cause it wont work. they care, but they are afraid. they are ashamed on helping you, aren't they? selfish. selfish people. all they think about is only about their selves. no other but them. 

You knew that you could actually stand up from this. but it's hard. it's like you are meant for this. it's like you are suppose to stick with that. This kind of thing kept you up all night. tears keep on running down till you feel you're running out of tears. alone, nobody was there. all you can think is that why does people leave you so easily? how did they do that? how come it is so easy for them? is there something that they don't like it from me? then you realize, whether you'll cry or you'll keep on asking questions, nobody is there to care..they are all heartless. 

love

we all fall in love. And surely,we all fell in love. In the past, future, or even now. Falling in love is a basic human nature. obviously. people say, some people are afraid of falling in love. The fact is that they aren't actually afraid of falling in love. They're just afraid of not being loved back. Being loved back is probably a hard thing to accept. but why wasting on something that is completely not for you? if what you want doesn't happen, then there must be something better that will happen to you. And maybe, it will be something beyond better. Patience.

anyways, sometimes we don't even realize that we fell in love. it's like; and BANG you're in love. and sometimes when we love too much, we forgot how did we actually fell in love. Falling in love? equal to thousands of feelings. Falling in love? do you mean by the butterflies in your stomach? do you mean by distracted? do you mean by cant sleep at night? do you mean by standing quietly alone just with the thoughts in your head? yes, falling in love is when you cannot explain what you're feeling. in fact why would we explain it? we feel it. falling in love costs big. costs much. costs everything. it force you to decide. but it brings happiness. it gives you a feeling that you never felt before. it's like happiness hits you like a train hits a wall. a thick thick wall. it's like being hit by a bus but you really like the feeling. it's wonderful. even though sometimes it may be hurtful, yet people cant get over it. it will happen every time. steps by steps. whether it is going to be slowly or fast. it will happen.

like i said, falling in love costs many things. costs every thing. it gives you heartbreaks, joy, tears, and smiles. Us, we need to be ready. for how love will come. Don't find love, let love finds you. let it breaks into your deepest layer of your heart and let yourself feel it. Heartbreaks are a usual thing. sometimes different person, same story. Same person, different story. When you fall in love, don't hide. don't lie to yourself. just accept, admit it to yourself. And when you didn't get what you wanted to or what you expected to, do not worry. It means that something better will happen. something better. do not be frustrated of love. like i said, it will come. patience is what you need. 

but before you fall in love to a person. don't forget to be in love with yourself first. how are people suppose to accept you when you are not accepting yourself? you are an important thing. you are important to someone out there.  

so yeah, i guess that's all that i can say. i know i haven't post a lot, but here it is. another creation of words by me. for the closing :

xx

night post: abandonement&lonliness

So in this student exchange program i get a chance to learn in the school in melbourne. And in English we learn the theme "Abandonement and Loneliness". 

Abandonement huh? wow that word is deep. And Loneliness? i kinda feel that a lot. Not saying i got no family or friends. But i feel that every night. Not saying i'm expecting for someobe to text me. Infact i almost cry every night. 

The tears are now almost running down. thinking about how people blame me and take me as a bad person in almost every thing. How people judge me in everything i say and i do. I know that you would probably think that this kind of thing is boring or usual. But if you feel this way, it kills you very slowly. 

sometimes i ask myself, why do i always have to be the one who do the bad things and people gives sympathy to the victim of what i did? and i feel like people lie to me. They lie to me when i ask them of their feelings on me. they tell what's not right instead of the truth.

i'm sorry everyone. Sorry. But please dont kill me this way. I know it is wrong. But you and i are human beings. We did mistakes, didnt we? dont lie to me it will only make it worse. Say the truth, please. Dont quip me. dont judge before knowing the truth behind it. please.

night post: please.

        

Heyloo

yaampun tiap malem sebelum tidur gue cuman bisa ngebayangin punya orang yang kangen ama kita. I know that i got my family who are missing me, but not particular friend. Seneng lho padahal ngeliat yang lain ada temen atau siapalah yang ngangenin. Tapi setiap kali ngeliat itu rasanya juga kayak disentuh langsung lemes.

dont know why i'm feeling i need one. kok kesannya kayak gue lonely banget deh. i miss people but i'm not sure do they miss me or not. i need some kind of people but i'm not sure do they need me or not. 

   

bisa dibilang aku iri setiap kali ngeliat orang yang punya orang yang kayak gitu.  I want someone to chat me and tell me how much they miss me too. Tapi bukan iri yang buruk gitu lah. Cuman pengen juga aja. Please just let me have one. let me. make someone come to me.  Someone that i am comfortable with. someone that is right for me. tapi ya mungkin belom aja.

   

just if i have one. Iya post ini emang similar sama post sebelum sebelumnya. Ya mungkin karena that's what i'm feeling and that's what i keep thinking of. still in melbourne so, it is kinda related haha.

     

xx